Loving what is… and random beauty

(This is a shoot I designed with Carolyn Tran photographing and Claire Pettibone's dresses)

Thank you Byron Katie for the title…

My life… what an amazing journey!
This last year and a half has been quite a ride.  Lots of ups and downs.  The downs I have found have been tremendous openings to learn more about me.  How to be…  me… just… me.
Sounds so simple doesn't' it!  You would think that is what I would do best.  Wrong!  I have found that it is very easy to be who I think I SHOULD be, not who I REALLY am in that moment.

(a bouquet from the above shoot)

There is strength and peace in just being me, in allowing "what is" to be real… to be the REALITY of that moment.… and… being OK with that.   That "what is" includes me in whatever state I am in, in that moment.  Being OK with the messy, needy, crying, scared me.   I have told myself a story of what being a strong, evolved and conscious women looks like.  It means always being the patient, loving no-matter-what woman.  The Divine essence of Woman.  She would look in my eyes like a compassionate, loving, kind presence.  One that does not get lost in Ego, judgement or feels hurt or takes anything personal.  I have forgotten about all those beautiful and Divine Goddesses shown in a rage, broken hearted and anything but calm and at peace.  

(This is a shoot I designed with Carolyn Tran photographing and Claire Pettibone's dresses)

I am learning that She is all things.  The Divine Feminine has been speaking to me in the last couple of years.  Calling me to investigate Her.  To find Her in me.  I am leaning that She is and always has been…  Me.  Me in all my glorious and many moods.  I am leaning to allow whatever is happening to just happen.  To not imprint what I think should be on what is.  Sounds so basic but I have found it to be quite a practice.  I am slowly abandoning all my previous ideas of what…  everything…  is or should be.  I am starting to evaluate each situation, person, belief, emotion right then and see how it feels to me in the moment.  I am leaning to understand what "no judgement" looks like compared to what discerning what is OK or not for me looks like.  Not making one thing or person bad or wrong, just maybe not for me, in that moment.  Not quite there yet, however to even be aware of this subtlety seems like a beautiful improvement in my life.

(a beautiful wedding with a Spanish flare)

To try and always come from Love.  That sounds so beautiful and peaceful.  However, to give that grace to me has been a challenge.  To love me even when I don't really feel very lovable.  To be OK with the Me in the moment.  Now that is truly Love!  One aspect of that means allowing my emotions to come out in a safe way.  To be nonjudgmental about whatever emotion is running through me.  To not always take action on whatever my mind is telling me to do.  To be gentle and kind with myself.  To know that being mad, sad, glad, scared or ashamed is being human.  It is just the weather and will pass.  I am learning not to get too hooked by the feelings.  I still get hooked but the hook is not set too deep these days.

I think Spirit has sent me situations so I can learn this.  A few years ago I passionately and from my soul asked for more connection with Spirit, for more connection with me, my path, my purpose in this life, to find happiness.  Deep lasting peace and happiness.  I knew there must be more to life that what I was experiencing…  I just didn't know how to get there.   I am learning…  Peace and happiness seem now to be choices, Spirit has never been that far from me, I have just been opening up and hearing and feeling more.   I have noticed that in those beautiful moments of peace, or the completion of a situation or project, I experience a moment of calm, of content.  In that moment I feel my mind whirling… looking for the next situation to worry or immerse myself in.  I see my mind is making my reality.  I am leaning to have a talk with myself.  To assure that all is well right in that very moment.  Breath into the calm that is right now.  To not get too hooked by the next situation.  There will always be one.  Choose peace, and even in a moment where I am all worked up by something, to just let that emotion be.  The more I try to judge my experience and my feelings the bigger and out of whack they get.  Just. Be.

I am also not owning everyone else's experience so much these days.  This allows me to be more with me, to allow… me.  If I am mad, so be it.  Is it my "mad" or someone else's?  Am I taking on someone else's anger or sadness?  Assuring my child that if I get mad or sad or am experiencing another's sadness or anger doesn't mean I will be abandoned.  No one can truly abandon me.  I will always have myself. I am the one constant in my life.  Easy to say, challenging to get my child to believe this.   Definitely better though.

(a bouquet with paper flowers I made for a recent wedding)

One of the beautiful things I have been doing for myself is painting a lot. 

 It is a beautiful meditation where I am able to suspend my active mind.   To exist in the moment.

To push thick color around on the canvass, actual 3-dimensional color is glorious!  I connect with Spirit and then paint what I am being called to.  

The images that are coming out are amazing and oh so fun!  I have been feeling powerfully called to explore different creative mediums and go deeper inside of me.  This is absolute pure joy!!!!   

To reflect these changes I have been in the process of changing my web page to represent myself as more of an artist, not just with a focus on events.  I can design your event, paint your totem or create your ceremony for you. I love this change.  It feels like a beautiful doorway to deeper aspects of myself and the second half of my life!

Hopefully it will be up and live next week.  Here is a link that will work in a week or so…  wwwtriciasaroya.com  My old name Tricia Fountaine www.triciafountaine.com will always work, both now and later, connecting to the new web site. 

I am also pursuing setting up an art showing, finally getting this collection out into the world.

Another fun thing that I am doing is creating a deck of divination cards based on the paintings and the animals represented.  I absolutely can't wait for these.  I am having a blast designing them!  Layers and layers of imagery, symbols, and….  color!!!  Soooo fun!

Life is good my friends.  Even when there is heartbreak and challenges.  I am learning it is the journey and how I am choosing to be in the moment.  I am also soooo happy to be embracing more of my gifts, being an ARTIST!  I found a quote that really speaks to me…

I like to think that through my creations I am helping others to restore their own soul as well.  Or at least connect with themselves and Spirit.  

Huge Blessings to all of you!

Tricia Saroya

  

"I'm not dead yet" and the magical gypsy wagon faerie party….

Hello Blog land,
"I'm not dead yet"  to quote a favorite line out of Monty Python.  Life is so full, I have just been living and not blogging.  My intention is to start up again, I miss my connection with all of you (that is if you are still there).  I love that I can share so many more pictures and thoughts here than on Face Book.  I love the artistic presentation of my blog so much more than FB too!  And I am definitely all about artistic presentation!
Many events, both weddings and regular life, have happened since I last checked in.   Pretty much all good, even the challenging ones too…  Life is funny that way.  There is good in all things, even if we don't see it right away.
One of my favorite developments is…  (drum roll please)  I am so proud to say that I am now officially a regular contributor to Faerie Magazine.  I have loved that magazine since I first saw it many years ago and now I am so very honored and thrilled to truly be a part of it! Some of my favorite people are involved with it.  Carolyn Turgeon is the editor and chief.  I didn't realize that she is the same Carolyn Turgeon who has written several books that I love, two of which are Godmother and Fairest of Them All.  Kim Cross, the founder and publisher is the one I had the pleasure of working with when they published my Faerie Wedding.  She kind of launched the Faerie aspect of me…  Thank you Kim!  I also had a pleasant surprise when I discovered that the art director was none other than one of my favorite blogs from the past, Medieval Muse's own Lisa Gill.  She is a major cat lover like me so we know she must be a wonderful person!!!  Now if you also count all the contributors…  it is a whose who of the fantasy realm.  You've no idea how amazing it felt to be in the same magazine as Charles Vess and Brian and Wendy Froud!  Super heady stuff I tell ya!!!  I feel like I have found a beautiful home and I am so happy!    The faeries have indeed been good to me.  Through their love and guidance my artistic creative life has been so rewarding and full!
One of the most fun things I have done lately is finally tackle the old Gypsy Wagon I've had for ages.

 I received it in a trade somewhere around 8 years ago but the work required to bring it up to scratch was more than I could deal with, that is until a couple of months ago.  My sweetie Vince and I decided to tackle it so I could have a lovely place to call my own.  He had his man cave but I didn't have my own sacred space.  He has not only the carpentry skills to pull it off but an artist's soul AND eye.  I am a very lucky lady!  Now I have this amazing retreat place that is both nurturing and inspiring.  It is truly my sacred space and here I sit in my beautiful wagon writing this post right now.  You will see it as part of an article I wrote for Faerie Magazine on Children's imaginative parties.  Vince and I had a blast hosting a Faerie-Gypsy costume tea party with four young girls at the wagon.  Vince shot it and now you will get to see the results in the magazine in Autumn.  I believe it comes out in September.  I have posted a few shots that I know didn't make it in the magazine so I won't be giving too much away.  It was an explosion of COLOR and oh so much fun!!!!!!
Here are a few eye candy pictures to feed your imagination and heart…

Notice what she is reading?…  major, gratuitous plug!

The lovely ladies… top to bottom…

Kyla

Lokelani, Sage, Alexandra

All dressed in their finery…

Kyla's mom is an amazing clothing and hat designer.  The hats the girls are wearing as well as the purple hat below and the flower in Sage's hair are from her.   Her beautiful creations are called Garden of Gaia and she can be found in a few boutiques in Santa Barbara.  

Here is the inside looking towards the back…  That bench seat I practically live on!

Looking towards the front on the right…

Looking towards to front on the left…

Details…

Here are a couple of before shots so you can see how far we came!

I can tell you that I ADORE this wagon!  It is my haven and precious sacred space!  I am so very grateful!

I have also been painting a lot lately.  Vince very kindly, yet still mortifying to me, talked to an art dealer about showing my work and much to my surprise, he said absolutely they were gallery material.  He had several suggestions about how to find the right gallery and location so we are slowly 

pursuing that.

I am quite stunned to think that I might actually be able to sell my work for what is a considerable sum of money!  To actually be able to be a professional painter just boggles my mind!!!

Here are some pieces I am working on…

Many of these are quite large…  up to 4' high and 3' wide.  

Many of these are based on some of Vince's photography.  He is an amazing wildlife photographer who then takes his shots and manipulates the colors in Photoshop.  The first time I saw one of his pics I knew I had to paint it.  Look what he has started!!!

The following ones are based on his photos…

Many of these are not quite finished yet.  I LOVE painting these…  I get lost and hours go by.  It really is a meditation for me!  

  Though I think I need to push my boundaries a bit and try a little more color, they seem a little flat : )  

There is so much to report…  almost a years worth of activity!  Wow!  Has it really been that long!  Life moves way too fast!  But, I am having fun, and that is what it is all about for me!

I will try to post more regularly now.  Tomorrow, Faerie Magazine's online newsletter is posting a ridiculously flattering piece on me and the articles I've written.  I am kind of blushing at the moment with a huge grin on my face!  I will post a link here as soon as it is posted.  

Golly…  soooo much goodness.

I hope you are all well and thriving!

Be back soon, I promise!

Like,  real faerie promises…

Enchanted Faerie Blessing to you!

Tricia Saroya