Helloooooooo Out There!!!!!

Hello my blog friends, that is if you haven't given up completely...  First thank you to so many of you who contacted me wondering if I had shuffled off this mortal coil.  Your concern touched me deeply.  I am happy to say I am alive and well.  My story follows below...  you may want to get a cup of tea, it is a long tale indeed.

Life has been quite a journey for this last, almost a full year.  Many a twist and turn with some beautiful destinations and also some hair pin turns along the way.  Most of the journey has been beautiful, just so full that I find myself jet lagged though I've not been near an airplane.   Without much notice I had to move from my magical home to another location on this ranch that I love.  Of course my business had to go too with all my myriad props and supplies.  Trying to accomplish this in the middle of designing weddings every weekend added to the character in my face and greying hair.  This took place about 2 weeks after my last post.  My new home is just as magical as my old one although it took some work and is itsy bitsy faerie tiny!  There is a dilapidated greenhouse on the grounds that I turned into a prop house so I was able to organize and stow all my treasures, thank goodness!  I also dragged my workspace down and set it on the grounds as well.  That was a story in itself.  It and my beautiful large picture window made it without breaking I am happy to say.

I had to start over with the garden which was both daunting and also delightful.  As I watered I discovered that there has been what seems like an herbalist here before me.  Many wonderful surprises popped out of the ground and now I feel like an old wise woman with an apothecary's garden. I must study herbs while I am here!  I have added to my secret garden in spades so that now it is overflowing and beautiful!   Pictures soon to follow.

One of the unexpected destinations on my last years journey was a lovely gentleman that I am happy to say I now call my sweetheart.  He is more of a match than I thought possible.  He is many wonderful things, some of which are musician, jewelry maker, painter, avid gardener (he has been hugely responsible for the changes in our yard!), farmer, deeply spiritual and also has the honor of conducting Native American inspired ceremony.  I feel like I have come home and oh so blessed!  We have been together for 10 months now, which also explains my absence (insert a knowing smile).

Here we are dressed in Steam punk attire for a wedding I designed.  

Here we are just before a graduation ceremony that I was honored to be in.  That is another chapter in my exciting journey which I will post more of soon.  In brief I have become part of a wonderful women's program called Woman Within.  It is an organization that has its roots in ancient feminine rights of passage.  They offer many experiences with the first one being an initiation weekend.  I found myself connecting with deep parts of my self, forming bonds with other women and together reclaiming our power.  It is a beautiful group that is international so if you are interested there may well be an initiation weekend near you.  They also have a male counterpart called The Mankind Project which holds the same purpose for men.  They truly work miracles in men's lives helping them to find an emotional connection with them selves and their brothers.  These men come out transformed and it is a gift to witness.  My sweetheart has been involved with them for many years and introduced me to Women Within.  They were founded by a husband and wife team over 30 years ago.  Truly organizations of sacred alchemy!

Here are some pictures of my home... below is the before.  I will post some after pictures in the next few days.

 Not much of a garden to speak, who would have known all the sleeping beauties that were going to poke their heads out soon. 

Above is the old greenhouse my girlfriends and I turned into Aladdin's Cave.  

(Above )This was the magical sight that greeted me on the day I moved in.  Peacocks all over the roof.  I took it as a blessing and moved in with a light heart!

Here you can see the front of my little house.  It used to be the old store for the ranch when they grew Christmas trees.  I love the old writing and the western style.  It feels as if I am in an old movie! Again in this picture the Peacocks are welcoming me home.  This land is so magical!  From our front door all day long we hear the exotic call of these beautiful birds.  There is also a family of Hawks that live in the tall Eucalyptus trees nearby.  They soar right over our house and cry out to one another.  Just visible in the distance is an majestic old train trestle bridge with the ocean just beyond whose waves we can hear crashing on heavy surf days.  Sometimes I can't believe my blessed life.   

There has been a few challenges along the way.  Somewhere, it appears, I came into contact with that enemy of immune systems... the dreaded MOLD!  As a result I have managed to catch everything that has been going around for several months running.  Just recently I contracted 3 separate viruses with the result that I have been covered in blisters for the last 5 weeks!  The bitter with the sweet I guess.  I am working with a Natural Path and taking so many vitamins that if you shook me I would rattle.  One benefit is that I have no need to fear any vampire as I am eating 10 plus cloves of raw garlic per day to beef up my immune system.  Fortunately my man likes garlic!  I am hoping I am on the mend, I know all the emotional energy, both the bad AND the good have taken its tole on my system as well.  I try and rest as much as I can these days.  That part is nice though I am getting antsy!

Of course I have done many a wedding and photo shoot over the last year.  Here is a sampling.

This picture above is from an amazing shoot I did with Elizabeth Messina and Twigs and Honey.  I took the above picture, sort of a "behind the scenes"shot.  Elizabeth's picture is below.   We used my styling, props and vintage clothes and Twigs and Honey's incredible hair adornments.  Myra Callen the owner and designer of Twigs and Honey is so talented and also a beautiful soul.  It was a pleasure to work with her!

 Here are some more...

These pictures below are again from Elizabeth Messina but the shoot was for Shop Ruche.

I was one of the stylists and also did all the florals.  So much fun!

Below is a flower wall I made.  Super luscious but a TON of work!!!

Below is a tantalizing picture from a shoot I did with Shirlie Kemp.  I won't show you any more as I am hoping to include it in a magical book.  Another project I am working on.  Oh those faeries...  they do like to keep me busy!

Well I think I will leave you with that for now.  There is much to report which I will do over the next few weeks.  Many a new project is being born, especially as I rest.  Ideas are hatching faster than I can keep up.  I so hope you are all well and thriving!  I am soooo happy to be back!

Blessings to you always and forever!

Tricia

Hibernating and reflections on the Holidays

Hello my blog friends.  I have been away for almost exactly one month now.  Time does fly doesn't it? Life has been both full and quiet this last month.  I have been settling into a new winter routine, enjoying my lovely home, reveling in my wonderful pot belly stove and fireplace.  I am so relieved to report that my first holiday season as a single woman didn't break me as I had feared.  I found myself slipping into hibernation this winter season much to my delight.

  For the better part of my life I have been involved in retail in which the holiday season is to be milked for all it's worth.  I had my own store selling handmade Native American crafts and art right smack dab in the middle of a plastic glitzy mall... a respite of heart made items amongst the mad consumer driven plastic gadgets.

 My store always did well and I looked forward to celebrating my favorite season in my precious store surrounded by my sales people who were very much part of my family, as well as my treasured customers.  They were so loyal and respectful of all the beautiful things we sold.

 It was a lovely time even though the hours were long and the pressure of making enough money to get you through the slow spring was all encompassing.  As I exchanged retail for floral design and events, the insane holiday busyness didn't abate but continued.  There were hundreds of feet of garlands to make, holiday parties to decorate, jammed packed delivery vans trying to get to everyone the last two days before Christmas so folks would have their flowers for their dinner table.  Then we would load up our car and head to the desert in the wee hours of Christmas morning to spend time with family, though we were bleary eyed and exhausted.  We always felt that we had been thrown off a fast spinning merry-go-round to land in the desert not sure of anything but a deep tiredness.  There was always a long re-entry period after the holidays where you tried to get back on some kind of normal schedule and rest up a bit.

This holiday season, I did sell some of my Faerie creations at several holiday shows which allowed me the joy of creating beautiful things late into the cold evenings sitting by my fireplace.

However I couldn't enter all the shows I wanted to as some had been pre-booked for months.  I also didn't have much floral work not by choice but seemingly more by Universal design.  It felt as if all the world conspired to keep me in my cave, quiet and dreaming this winter.

When I made plans to celebrate the winter solstice I caught a rather all encompassing cold that took me to my bed for several days and made me cancel all plans.   I hadn't put up any decorations to speak of so no mad rushing around decking the halls.  I had decided that to put up a Christmas tree and decorate the house would be far to sad, all those ornaments of years gone by would bring up too many painful memories, I just couldn't do it.  However I knew I needed to do something...  The child in me needed some bit of cheer or sparkly bits.  I come from a huge tradition of very big celebrations.  My Mom was Christmas personified!  Every single room would have decorations up, including the itsy bitsy bathroom we called the "Mud Room".  Any holiday TV special required we plan our evenings around watching the shows with hot cider and snacks.  There were beautifully set tables with friends invited for meals, an embarrassment of presents for everyone!  I remember one particular Christmas a neighbor of ours had fallen on hard times.  The poor woman was a single mom with two kids, recently split from her no-good husband.  She had tearfully related that there would be no Christmas at her house that year.  Mom quietly conspired and very, very late Christmas eve Mom and I went into her house while they slept (mom had a key), with a pre-decorated and lit Christmas tree which we plugged in and loads of presents for her boys and her.  We left her living room filled with Christmas cheer, cookies, presents, and all aglow by the light of the twinkle lights on the tree.  That memory completely overshadows whatever I got for Christmas that year, I can't tell you anything about what was under our tree.  We were all so eagerly waiting to see her astonishment and happiness.  That was worth all the presents is Santa's Sleigh.  Mom loved the giving part of Christmas, the coming together of friends and family and the celebration.  The rest of the year we were more on the quiet side, not terribly social.  Christmas was different.  Ever since she passed away when I was 12,  I carried on the tradition.  Happily being the red-nosed ring leader, decorating anything and everything, making sure everyone had presents, cooking Christmas dinner...  You name it I did it.  Underneath it all I always had a pervading melancholy.  I knew that if I didn't lead the charge it wouldn't happen.  Most folks were not really into the holidays so I had to cajole everyone into their part.  Even when I was with others that were into Christmas I still felt down/happy.  I would be missing Mom, our family traditions.  It always felt so sad even though I still also enjoyed it.  Feelings are not always very clear are they?  This year I didn't have much work, no parties to attend or throw, only two people to exchange gifts with, no decorations...  To say I was worried is putting it mildly.  I knew I needed to recreate the holidays for myself in some manor or potentially fall into a very deep abyss of dispare.  I needed to make it special for myself but fresh and new, no sad memories.  Something to mark the season, my new path, honor where I have come from and where I am going.  I decided my new tradition was going to be a soft and quiet Winter Solstice ritual.

I invited 3 of my friends, 2 dear old-soul-sisters and one new, old-soul-sister.  I cleaned my house, put fresh pine boughs on my mantle.  Set candles everywhere.

Created Cedar, Sage and Sweet Grass bundles, collected shells and designed a magic ritual about letting go of the old, the patterns that doesn't serve us anymore and welcoming in the new beautiful blessings that we are asking for.  We were to write on small bits of handmade paper what we were letting go of and tie it to the bundles and then toss them in the fire for the smoke to carry it away for us.

 Then we were to write our prayers, our desires on shells with water soluble markers and then place them in the ocean.

All the while calling in the love and support of our ancestors, our guides, and God.  Asking for guidance and expressing our gratitude for all our incredible blessings.

It would have been a beautiful ritual....   except I got pretty sick and spent the day in bed!  "OK" I thought, this holiday is to be completely solitary!  I did a quiet, very small ritual for myself and then went back to bed.  The rest of the days and Christmas I slept a lot, read books, watched movies, went for long walks, and enjoyed my quiet, now clean (for the solstice) house.  Christmas day I went to see the Hobbit (Fabulous!!!!!) and thoroughly enjoyed myself  (I have since gone back 3 times!).  I kept gingerly feeling around in me for the sadness, like one keeps gently touching a once sore tooth with your tongue... and much to my surprise I was OK!  After a couple of days of reflection I figured it out.  This was the first Christmas in my adult life (or since the age of 12) that I didn't have to please anyone but me.  No trying to keep up with traditions, no being the only one that was into it and feeling alone in the process.  Here I was now actually alone and totally content.  Quite a revelation!
I am now slowly coming out of my quiet time.  I think I really like this idea of hibernating through the winter.

I think I might plan for this every year (next time I will be able to anticipate the money situation better and not be quite so concerned about finances).  I was able to rest, reflect, write, dream and plan.

It was wonderful and a very gentle way to start the new year.  I did have several days of sadness, missing my partner, but I had the time to work through them and come out the other side.  I think this tradition of winter hibernation is more in keeping with my European ancestry.  It feels as old as time and very right somehow.  More about going within, honoring the passing of the seasons, reflecting and being grateful for my life and my many blessings, limiting my time in public and enjoying the company of my kitties.  Being quiet and listening to my soul, my guides and God.   I tell ya... will miracles never cease!
Anyway all in all it has been a good winter, still is.  I am remaining quiet for a bit longer but also starting to work on projects too, booking events for this year, starting to plan some beautiful weddings.  I spent a couple of days filming some floral design classes that I will be offering in the next month or so, very exciting!   I will share with you all about that project in a later post.    I have also finally compiled a bunch of pictures of all my great stuff and put them onto a web site thereby launching a vintage prop rental company.  It is called Vintage Vignettes and here is a link http://truevintagevignettes.blogspot.com/search/label/Vintage%20items
I have mentioned that I have a lot of cool stuff and now you will see for yourself.  There are over 270 items and I am not even close to being done : )!!!  So even though I have been quiet I haven't been completely idle (though mostly).  I have slept a lot (lovely)!  Lots of insightful dreams.

I process so much in my dreams...  do you?
I have also started Instagraming!  Soooo much fun!  If you are interested follow me at triciafountaine
There will be tons of pics of cool props, behind the scenes of weddings, flowers and kitties of course.  Also ranch life and pretty sunsets.   I love these new "magazines" of inspirations, Tumbler, Pinterest, Instagram...  sooo many pretty pictures to devour.  So many ideas rattling around in my head.  I guess hibernating is good?!  Who would have thought...  hmmmm...  wonder what other great new traditions I should look into...

 I promise I will be back soon.  Loads of pictures of 2012 weddings to show you.

Winter Blessings to all of you.

Tricia

Some thoughts

Life is sure an unexpected ride at times.  

I find myself completely on my own, alone and solely responsible for myself for the first time in my life.  It is not a good or bad feeling really.  It is however very sobering.  

It is a little daunting, and very…  I want to say uncomfortable but that is not quite right…  new, like a new pair of shoes you really want to like but they are a bit stiff in the wearing.  One hopes they will feel softer and more comfortable as they get broken in. 

I have spent the vast majority of my life being part of a team.  I was my father’s daughter for really the first half of my life.  

While I was that I was also one half of a partnership that lasted for many years.  For the last almost 20 years I have been one half of a marriage.  One I loved and felt very comfortable with.  Even in the rough spots and those were unquestionably there I still indentified myself as a wife.  I was Tricia but hyphenated with my husband’s name there as well.  There in lies some of the work I am doing.  Discovering what it means to be just me.  In the morning and during the day it is an intriguing, sometimes fun and exciting journey.  

In the evenings at times it can be a lonely feeling sometimes verging on an overwhelmingly fragile and vulnerable existence. 

I go outside and sit with the vast natural surroundings that my house is situated in.  I listen to the crickets, and cicadas and marvel that it is just me and…  THIS.  

This life, this beautiful, precious, vast and amazing but sometimes scary world and me… just me.

There are days when I feel part of a whole, that we are all one.  I look into people’s eyes and see us as all part of a big picture. 

But then there are days when it is just little me, and I feel very separate.  Who am I, what do I want.  What are my plans now that it is just me.  Big questions indeed!

If I should take the step in the future to mix my life with another how do I not repeat the same patterns?  How do I stay Tricia, not Tricia and (fill in the blank).  I read books like Conversations with God by Neal Donald Welsh and he says that after the initial intense coming together you should actively push the other away from you.  That to be needy and enmeshed is to be unhealthy.  

Be together but not.  The Abraham-Hicks books take a similar stance. This is a foreign concept to me.  In every other topic these books ring so true for me.  I am just struggling with a bigger view on relationships.  There is an intriguing aspect to the way they paint a healthy relationship.  It seems right but how do you love someone and not immerse your life with theirs.  How do you maintain your separateness in your coming together?  I thought I believed in a soul mate.  Maybe there are several soul mates… or none at all.  I sometimes wonder if these are the young thoughts of a girl raised on faerie tales.  

At the age of 50 should I think otherwise?  I do believe in powerful connections with others, familiar ones that feel old as the ages.  But what is a soul mate?  If we are all one then maybe everyone is a soul mate.  I think of these things to try to understand what happened in my relationship.  

I don’t necessarily look at it as where did we go wrong.  I am also trying to let go of the notion of wrong and right.  But I do want to understand what happened.  I would like to be very conscious in my life from this point on.  I thought I was before but…? 

I don’t know…  Life is just so big right now. I have so many desires, things I want to do, projects, experiences I want to have…  it’s just…  so huge.  And it is just little me right now, and sometimes staying under the bed covers and reading Tolkien is so much safer.   

I have no family to speak of, no children, husband or partner.  I guess that could be considered a good thing.  I am just trying it on for size at the moment, not sure if it is good or bad or neither one.  To use the shoe analogy it just kind of pinches at the moment.  I do like the look of these shoes;

 I think they could be wonderful…eventually… I hope!  Do you know what I mean?  I think I am in a rather fanciful and pensive state of mind at the moment.  Just curious about your take on my ramblings.  Those of you in happy long-term relationships, what are your thoughts?  I would appreciate your experience.

PS all pictures from Tumbler and Pinterest (just love them!!!)