Loving what is… and random beauty

(This is a shoot I designed with Carolyn Tran photographing and Claire Pettibone's dresses)

Thank you Byron Katie for the title…

My life… what an amazing journey!
This last year and a half has been quite a ride.  Lots of ups and downs.  The downs I have found have been tremendous openings to learn more about me.  How to be…  me… just… me.
Sounds so simple doesn't' it!  You would think that is what I would do best.  Wrong!  I have found that it is very easy to be who I think I SHOULD be, not who I REALLY am in that moment.

(a bouquet from the above shoot)

There is strength and peace in just being me, in allowing "what is" to be real… to be the REALITY of that moment.… and… being OK with that.   That "what is" includes me in whatever state I am in, in that moment.  Being OK with the messy, needy, crying, scared me.   I have told myself a story of what being a strong, evolved and conscious women looks like.  It means always being the patient, loving no-matter-what woman.  The Divine essence of Woman.  She would look in my eyes like a compassionate, loving, kind presence.  One that does not get lost in Ego, judgement or feels hurt or takes anything personal.  I have forgotten about all those beautiful and Divine Goddesses shown in a rage, broken hearted and anything but calm and at peace.  

(This is a shoot I designed with Carolyn Tran photographing and Claire Pettibone's dresses)

I am learning that She is all things.  The Divine Feminine has been speaking to me in the last couple of years.  Calling me to investigate Her.  To find Her in me.  I am leaning that She is and always has been…  Me.  Me in all my glorious and many moods.  I am leaning to allow whatever is happening to just happen.  To not imprint what I think should be on what is.  Sounds so basic but I have found it to be quite a practice.  I am slowly abandoning all my previous ideas of what…  everything…  is or should be.  I am starting to evaluate each situation, person, belief, emotion right then and see how it feels to me in the moment.  I am leaning to understand what "no judgement" looks like compared to what discerning what is OK or not for me looks like.  Not making one thing or person bad or wrong, just maybe not for me, in that moment.  Not quite there yet, however to even be aware of this subtlety seems like a beautiful improvement in my life.

(a beautiful wedding with a Spanish flare)

To try and always come from Love.  That sounds so beautiful and peaceful.  However, to give that grace to me has been a challenge.  To love me even when I don't really feel very lovable.  To be OK with the Me in the moment.  Now that is truly Love!  One aspect of that means allowing my emotions to come out in a safe way.  To be nonjudgmental about whatever emotion is running through me.  To not always take action on whatever my mind is telling me to do.  To be gentle and kind with myself.  To know that being mad, sad, glad, scared or ashamed is being human.  It is just the weather and will pass.  I am learning not to get too hooked by the feelings.  I still get hooked but the hook is not set too deep these days.

I think Spirit has sent me situations so I can learn this.  A few years ago I passionately and from my soul asked for more connection with Spirit, for more connection with me, my path, my purpose in this life, to find happiness.  Deep lasting peace and happiness.  I knew there must be more to life that what I was experiencing…  I just didn't know how to get there.   I am learning…  Peace and happiness seem now to be choices, Spirit has never been that far from me, I have just been opening up and hearing and feeling more.   I have noticed that in those beautiful moments of peace, or the completion of a situation or project, I experience a moment of calm, of content.  In that moment I feel my mind whirling… looking for the next situation to worry or immerse myself in.  I see my mind is making my reality.  I am leaning to have a talk with myself.  To assure that all is well right in that very moment.  Breath into the calm that is right now.  To not get too hooked by the next situation.  There will always be one.  Choose peace, and even in a moment where I am all worked up by something, to just let that emotion be.  The more I try to judge my experience and my feelings the bigger and out of whack they get.  Just. Be.

I am also not owning everyone else's experience so much these days.  This allows me to be more with me, to allow… me.  If I am mad, so be it.  Is it my "mad" or someone else's?  Am I taking on someone else's anger or sadness?  Assuring my child that if I get mad or sad or am experiencing another's sadness or anger doesn't mean I will be abandoned.  No one can truly abandon me.  I will always have myself. I am the one constant in my life.  Easy to say, challenging to get my child to believe this.   Definitely better though.

(a bouquet with paper flowers I made for a recent wedding)

One of the beautiful things I have been doing for myself is painting a lot. 

 It is a beautiful meditation where I am able to suspend my active mind.   To exist in the moment.

To push thick color around on the canvass, actual 3-dimensional color is glorious!  I connect with Spirit and then paint what I am being called to.  

The images that are coming out are amazing and oh so fun!  I have been feeling powerfully called to explore different creative mediums and go deeper inside of me.  This is absolute pure joy!!!!   

To reflect these changes I have been in the process of changing my web page to represent myself as more of an artist, not just with a focus on events.  I can design your event, paint your totem or create your ceremony for you. I love this change.  It feels like a beautiful doorway to deeper aspects of myself and the second half of my life!

Hopefully it will be up and live next week.  Here is a link that will work in a week or so…  wwwtriciasaroya.com  My old name Tricia Fountaine www.triciafountaine.com will always work, both now and later, connecting to the new web site. 

I am also pursuing setting up an art showing, finally getting this collection out into the world.

Another fun thing that I am doing is creating a deck of divination cards based on the paintings and the animals represented.  I absolutely can't wait for these.  I am having a blast designing them!  Layers and layers of imagery, symbols, and….  color!!!  Soooo fun!

Life is good my friends.  Even when there is heartbreak and challenges.  I am learning it is the journey and how I am choosing to be in the moment.  I am also soooo happy to be embracing more of my gifts, being an ARTIST!  I found a quote that really speaks to me…

I like to think that through my creations I am helping others to restore their own soul as well.  Or at least connect with themselves and Spirit.  

Huge Blessings to all of you!

Tricia Saroya

  

Halloween… part 2!!!!!

Hello Blog friends.
I hope you all had a most magical Halloween!  I know we sure did!  Halloween is one of my absolute favorite holidays.  I love the mix of magic, mystery, Spirit, fantasy, costumes…  I feel like anything is possible.  I feel my spirit guides more intently, my ancestors and my parents seem so close by, Spirit is right there playing with me.  I think anytime we don costumes we become more real.  We play and let a part of ourselves out.  I love this quote by Oscar Wilde…  "Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.  Give him a mask and he will tell you the truth."  I love to see the creativity people show in the costumes they choose.  I think it is a clue into who they really are, or at least into their child within.  It is sacred theatre…  with candy!!  I adore setting the "stage" for "sacred theatre"…  I know it is one of the reasons I am here!
Witches are my favorite thing to be.  I always want to try another costume but it never feels right.  I think I will always be a witch!  Being a witch is a way for me to connect into the ancient wise women lineage that is common to all cultures and is mine simply by being a woman.  The tie to nature and Her power, animal spirits, ritual, ceremony…  Spells and Potions for me are just a way of believing in the power of my intentions.  As a child I adored Bewitched!  For me there were never enough scenes of Endora and Samantha dressed in their flowing gauzy outfits, sitting on their brooms in the misty realms with that cool music playing.  I could have hung out there all day!  It goes without saying that Practical Magic is of course one of my all time favorite stories and movie!  Hocus Pocus is another one.  Anything that evokes magic and mystery, of believing in something more fantastical than perceived reality, in the power of intentions… that everything is possible…   How FUN!
In my last post I mentioned that the Gypsies were going to come by, well they sure did!  We had a huge party on Saturday so I kept going with the decorations and set up a Gypsy camp in addition to the apothecary shop and cemetery.  Honeydukes also set up a table with all their goodies right in the middle of it.  I had a friend who is a Tarot reader set up shop at the party.  There was a line for her all night!  We ended up with around 40 people all in wonderful costumes eating drinking and making music.  My sweetie is a musician as are most of his friends.  I too am learning to sing and play percussion so we had live music all night with everyone taking a turn playing.  Those that weren't making music were dancing or hanging around the fire in the medicine circle/Gypsy camp.  It was an incredible night  filled with such joy and friendship.  I wanted to show you the pre-party pics.  We were having so much fun during the party that we didn't really get any shots.  Folks are posting all over Face book though.  I will try to collect them later.

Here is the beginning of the Gypsy camp.

This is where Vicky Lyons-Elliott, the Tarot reader set up.  She was wonderful and everyone seemed to really enjoy her!  If you are interested email me and I will connect you to her.

Going deeper into the Gypsy camp…

Here we had a fire pit going…

The Gypsies had their goodies laid out everywhere!

Masked pumpkins everywhere…

A hukka with lots of fun flavored tobacco…

Just in case the guests had a sweet tooth attack and didn't feel like getting up…

Lots of witches in attendance…

And others too…

Everyone came in costume…

The food was set up in Aragog's hollow.  Unfortunately I don't have a lot of shots of that area as it didn't look like much until later in the evening as the guests each brought their dishes.

The spider nests totally creeped me out even though I made them…..  eeeeekkkk!

I had a talking head in a globe and electric balls.  Someone at the party videoed some of it. 

Honeydukes sweet shop set up a table at the party…

It was sooooooo fabulous as to be truly OVER-THE-TOP!!!!

They humored us with some retro candy…

We all had a fun trip down memory lane…

Do your teeth hurt yet?

Of course we had lots of lovely spirits, of the bottled variety…

As the sun set it was magical!

You have already seen the apothecary shop and the cemetery in the last post but

 here they are at night…  

Here's the graveyard…

It was truly a most magical night.  Thank you for visiting again.  Holler if you want me to send you some candy…  we have LOTS left over!!!

Blessings to you all!!!

Tricia