I dreamt of my mother last night. We sat and talked on her bed in the room my parents had
while I was growing up. It felt
like a death-regret talk. The kind
I have had with the old and dying about what they wish had been different in
their life. My mom died when
she was 50 of breast cancer, I was 12.
In the dream she was frustrated because she couldn’t figure out what she
wanted. She was filled with anger
and jealousy, both directed at me and at others. She was a hugely creative person, very kind and empathetic. She felt the pain of others too
much. I think it tapped into her own
pain and so was really uncomfortable.
At that time tools for processing the issues in our lives were not very
well known and definitely on the fringe.
She was too scared to dig deep, too afraid of the shadow. She was never able to access her voice,
her needs, and her mission. She
did for others to the point of loosing herself. I believe this caused a level of resentment and discontent
that opened the door to illness and ultimately her death. In the dream I asked if she was open to hearing my thoughts. I have felt for most
of my life that her mission was to help others through her creativity. In the dream she said no, she wasn’t open
to me, she was angry and too locked into her dysfunctional pattern. I think the dream had everything to do
with where I am in my life right now…
and also the book I just finished earlier that evening.
It was Amanda Palmers “The Art of Asking”. It is an extraordinary story of
Amanda’s journey of fully stepping into her “Artist” self and her life. Her process of recognizing and making
peace with the doubting voices in her head. She calls them the “Fraud Police” and boy do I identify with
those voices. It is a story of her powerful connection to her fans, fans she
has built up almost one by one by being open and real with them, constantly
connecting with them through social media. It is a story of their relationship and how they help each other,
a true symbiotic relationship. It
is the story of loyalty and ultimately of Love… Amanda’s to her fans, her fans to her, allowing the love
from her husband Neil Gaimon ( an amazing author whom I adore), and the story of the profound love between her
and her dearest friend Anthony.
But mostly it is about Amanda learning how to love Amanda. Not only did she go against the “Fraud
Police” in her head but also she went against the established music profession,
selling directly to her fans and supporters to staggering success! Really it is the story of a person stepping fully into
herself and believing in herself against huge odds and finding Love… it was in her all along as mirrored to her by her fans and the ones closest to her. This book touched me deeply. I resonated with it on so many levels. Especially now with change visiting my life in a huge way…
As most of you know I am stepping out as a fine artist. I seem to be in a process of changing
my creative expressions from events to painting. I am still creating beautiful events but they are not as prominent in my consciousness.
My studio jammed packed with paintings
This is the first time in my life where I am creating art
for myself… creating what comes through me with no particular person in mind to
receive it. In the past when I
would create it would start with the client first. I would create for them specifically. My work was no less full of love and
creativity but the prompting point was different. These pieces that I am creating now are truly of/from
me.
"Grizzly" 4' by 4'
They have nothing to do with
another person so there is no one to hide behind. These are pure expressions of my creativity, of Spirit, of
Love. The animals that I paint are
real to me. They have
personalities and messages.
"Little Big Mouse" 4' by 3'
I feel
vulnerable putting these out there for people. It is a raw and scary place. My fraud police have been rather loud lately. Yet at the same time this feels so
beautiful and what I am supposed to do!
I am also leaning the process of letting them go. Of detaching from them and allowing
them to go to their respective homes, but it seem to be a bit challenging.
"Mouse" 4' by 3'
As to what to charge for them… that is a huge Pandora’s box. I simultaneously feel like millions are
not enough and “Oh my God, people will never pay for my art”. Quite the process this is! As some of you know my sweetheart and I
also need to move this year. The
ranch where I live and work is selling so we need to go. On all levels I feel like I am being
asked to dig deep, change, back myself up and believe in Me.
"Bee" still in progress 24" by 24"
I realize that I am in the same process that Amanda went
through. I think I am finally,
once and for all learning how to believe in myself. Finding my connection to my life’s mission, to my God(ess),
my source and trusting that.
Letting go of the “fraud police” or at least recognizing when they are
talking. Amanda is living life “full
on fearless” as a friend of mine used to say. What a beautiful, regret-less life. She puts everything out there for all
to see and lives Her life! So…
thank you Amanda for your hard fought wisdom. I am hearing you.
I am embracing this journey and loving it. Each day I believe more and more in who I am and my
creativity. I am learning how to
put myself out there and trust. Now
if I could just get this social media thing down.
When last I blogged (ages ago… sorry!) I was getting ready for an art opening
at my home. It was wonderful, lots
of fun (once it started, I was stressing pretty hard up to that point), and
many people came.
The entrance table showing a giclee print.
We set up in our garden and all around the house. It felt so right to hang all the animal paintings in nature. They belong there. Except for a some bird offerings (poop) they fared well and looked amazing!
Just outside the front of the house…
We hung the smaller paintings in the arbor where the feasting table usually sits…
I sold a couple
of paintings, the colorful Wolf above on the left, the Eagle shown below, the man that commissioned me
to paint his dog came by and picked up his painting.
"Fox" 3' by 3' and "Eagle" 3' by 4'
I also sold a few prints of my paintings. I am offering limited edition giclee
prints of all my work. They look
amazing in print. Quite a heady
experience! Go to my etsy store for more info or leave me a message. Not all my paintings are in the store yet… I need a social media manager… that will work for free…
So on that note I am super excited to announce I am in another
art show at a beautiful store here in Santa Barbara called Paradise Found.
It is a soul-centered store that sells
Spiritual books, and gifts, crystals, music and so many beautiful things. I have been hanging paintings in there
getting ready for the show on May 5th and enjoying seeing them on the
walls.
They fit there. It feels so right! I think I have found their audience,
the painting’s people! I really
hope the animals love it there and that in turn, they are loved.
In Santa Barbara every month we have an
artist-opening-day called First Thursday.
It is an opportunity for many of the shops on our main drag to stay open
late, offer refreshments and showcase the local artists work. I will be there for the first Thursday
of May, the 5th.
If you
are in the area I would love to see you.
The store is open all day but the art reception part starts at 5:30 and goes
until 7ish. I am so happy to get
my work out there more. I have
been great at producing it but not so great at getting the word out there. I am trying to remedy that now.
On Memorial Day weekend I am venturing
out to my Spiritual home, New Mexico for another art show. Taos is having an Arts and Crafts fare
on May 29th through the 31st in Kit Carson park and I will be in it. Also on June 11th and 12th
I will be in Santa Fe for their huge Arts and Crafts fair in the town
square. I am hitching a small
trailer to my old truck and taking my paintings on the road. I think they fit well in the Southwest so
here goes. Hopefully my truck will make it… I wonder if my mechanic would like a painting in exchange for getting my truck road worthy… hmmmm…. If any of you are in the Santa Fe or Taos area please come by and visit.
I would love an encouraging word and to connect with the folks in the
land of blog/FB.
I also created a line of note cards based on the painting
and I am selling them in my etsy store… here is a link. https://www.etsy.com/shop/TriciaSaroya?ref=hdr_shop_menu
I have also been steadily working on a deck of divination
cards based on the paintings. There will be around 28 to 32 of them, 3.5" by 5". Each will have a side that is the same design so you can turn them over and pull a card based on your intuition and not on an image that is distracting you.
The plain side that is on all of them…
The other side will have an image of an animal embellished with symbols and pretty adornment. Each one is a different animal, with a number that takes you to a booklet with their message in it.
I am
finally just about finished.
I
think I have a manufacturer however if any of you have ideas I would love to
hear them.
Carolyn Turgeon the
editor of Faerie Magazine and author of many beautiful myth/faerie stories is
running them by some contacts in the publishing world for me.
Wouldn’t that be extraordinary to get
picked up by a major publisher!!!!!
One way or another I should have them out there in the world this summer. In the mean time I have just ordered a
line of note cards based on the Divination card images.
I didn't put the name or number on the note cards, just the embellished animal image.
I thought they were so pretty I wanted
to offer them in another format.
I
should have them in a week and will upload them to my store. Sooo much going on!
Speaking of Carolyn, she and her entourage are flying out to
do another cover shoot for Faerie Magazine with me. As you may or may not remember I designed and set up the
last cover shoot for the Spring edition with the lovely Kristina Anapau as our model. This edition is in the stores now.
Here are some behind the scene shots of our day.
My friend Laura Cogan of Passion Flowers, helping me create the magic…
Carolyn and I… yes I am an adoring fan…
The Spring issue also has a spread of a shoot I did a while back and was holding onto for something special.
It ended up in the magazine of course, I just love them!!! This shoot was inspired by the Pre-Raphaelites and based loosely on Waterhouse’s Lady of Shalott painting.
Lots of fun and flowers… just the thing!
My friend Shirlie Kemp shot everything to perfection.
Here are some behind the scenes of that shoot… always so much prep goes into these…
My sweetheart Vince Chafin built a platform in the trees so Shirlie could shoot back towards the boat.
That's him in the tree and me in the lagoon.
Below you can see her face, she is not only a lovely photographer but a sweetheart as well.
Shirlie and me…
More pictures of the magazine and the shoot we did with Kristina Anapau.
This next shoot will be for the Autumn issue and will be BEAUTIFUL! It is inspired by the Pre-Raphaelite
painters again with lots of flowers and romance, set in nature. Think Nights in shinning armor, magical
portals to the Faerie realm, mystical, abandoned Victorian tea tables out in
the woods…. Very excited to be a part of this special and magical
magazine! I will post some outtake
pictures after we are done, (if ok with Carolyn).
I think that catches you up for now. Wish me luck at First Thursday and in
New Mexico. It is time to
connect these painting beings with their people!
Blessings to you always and thanks for journeying with me!!!
Tricia
